8 ways to instantly revive your romance
1. Write a love letter.
Call me a cheese ball, but every now and then I write my husband a letter to tell him what I love about our relationship and to recall some of our favorite memories together. Sure, I could say these things to him, but taking the time to articulate exactly how I feel in a letter feels more accurate and thoughtful -- not to mention the note will be there for posterity, to reference on bad days.
True story: we found a stack of all the birthday cards my Grandpa B. had ever given my Grandma B. -- over 50 cards, from the '40s through the '90s -- in her bureau after she died. So sweet. Sniff.
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2. Escape to nature without distractions.
Get away from the apartment, your town, anything that reminds you of your never-ending to-do list, as well as all technology while you're at it (cell phones, Blackberries, etc.), and go for a walk in the park, on a hike, to the beach, or drive through the boonies.
Don't you always feel alive again when you submerge yourself in nature? Well, same goes for your relationship. You both can feel brand-new again, especially when you set out to accomplish something together in the wild -- like getting to the top of a hill, rafting down a river, or skiing down a mountain.
3. Introduce him/her to something new that's cool.
In the beginning of our relationship we exposed each other to so many new things -- musicians, books, art, clothes, and places. He got me into punk rock, and I got him to like Bob Dylan. It never stops being sexy introducing each other to cool new things.
Recently, I Netflixed "Harold and Maude," an old favorite movie of mine, because my husband had never seen it before -- of course, he was enchanted with the flick. And he recently brought home the new hipster band Sleigh Bells' CD, which I now dig in a big way.
4. Talk about your dreams.
A couple's daily conversations often get caught up in trivial or boring things -- from housekeeping to gossip to the bills to making plans. Asking each other about your dreams, fantasies, and hopes really opens up the door for an inspiring conversation. Some questions to try: What would you do if you won the lottery? Where would you go on that dream vacation? What kind of job do you wish you had?
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5. Try out each other's hobbies.
If you usually roll your eyes when he turns on Monday Night Football, try watching it with him for once. If he hasn't ever gone to yoga with you, it's time he try it, just to know what the hell a "downward dog" is.
I'm not advocating that you adopt each other's hobbies -- independence from each other is essential in any relationship, of course -- but that you make an effort to learn about each other's passions.
6. Schedule not just a date night, but a date night somewhere new or doing something new.
Date night is a no-brainer -- every relationship needs one a week if you ask me. But forget your usual Italian joint and try a new ethnic place across town for dinner.
Go sing karaoke together, go swing dancing, take a sushi-making class, go to an art museum. Getting out of your comfort zone together and exploring new things is big-time romantic.
7. Cook for each other -- something special.
Even if you already cook a lot, you usually whip up the same-old dishes, right? I know we can't all be the TV chef Barefoot Contessa -- how psyched is her husband? -- but try making new recipes that speak to who you are as people or as a couple.
Perhaps re-create, or at least try, that carne asada you had while on vacation in Mexico. Or, if you know he loves mussels marinara and you've never tried to make them before, don't be intimidated -- go for it.
When my guy cooks something special for me, I know my heart, not just my belly, feels full afterward.
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8. Turn off the TV and just listen to music together and do nothing else.
Most of us are nuts for music, right? And doesn't every great romantic movie have a killer soundtrack? So, whether it's your song, a new band you've discovered (see #4) or your favorite playlist, taking the time to do nothing (no multitasking -- no doing the dishes!) but listen to music together can only lead to good things -- conversation, dancing around the room, or ... yes, bedroom antics.
Men look for.....?
1. She has a life of her own — and it's pretty good to boot. Ladies, this means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. You seek adventure by traveling. And you take in life's pleasures — from indulging in dessert to walking through the park on a sunny day. "You don't expect your boyfriend to be your entire existence," says Daily. In other words, you're not waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started.
2. She never makes the first move. This issue has been debated to death, and there is no true consensus. But Daily says that she strongly believes women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead, she suggests waiting for the man to initiate and plan dates. Her reasoning: If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it's just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren't programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase, Daily says.
3. She is sexy without being trampy. This means something different at the beginning of the relationship than it does down the road, Daily says. In the beginning of courtship, a woman should refrain from making any comments that are overtly sexual. She also flirts by using nonsexual touch like placing her hand on his forearm or even the knee but only briefly. When the relationship gets more serious, and presumably more intimate, sexual touch and public displays of affection are more appropriate. At this point, it's okay to play footsie under the table.
4. She waits to have sex. Yes, the sexual revolution arrived long ago and few people expect a "pure white bride" nowadays. But sex is still a pretty big step for couples. Daily says that many women don't even realize just how much sex changes the dynamics of a relationship. When women have sex, they release a hormone called oxytocin (also referred to as "the cuddle hormone"), which some scientific researchers believe makes women feel extra warm and fuzzy for their sex partners. Daily warns that if women do the deed too soon, they might make too much of a relationship that barely ever existed outside of the bedroom. When you inflate the significance of a relationship, the man often bolts. Daily's advice is to wait at least one month into the relationship before having sex with your new man.
5. She does little things to show she cares. Daily has one friend who noticed that her traveling salesman boyfriend never had time to get his shirts washed, so he would just go out and buy new ones. Her friend started to drop off his laundry at the dry cleaners once a week. Daily herself cooks for her husband. "It's as if he doesn't even know where the kitchen is," she says. "But that's not to say that he starves when I'm out of town." No, you do not have to turn into June Cleaver. The bottom line is that you should want to do the little things that let him know you care and you are paying attention to his individual needs. And he should do the same for you. Daily boasts that her man scrapes the ice off her windshield on cold winter mornings!
6. She should be her boyfriend's best wingman
7. She never turns on the pressure. This one is important. Men have a distinct aversion to any sort of pressure, says Daily. Therefore, women should avoid calling and/or emailing him many times during the day or dropping hints about the future. In fact, keep the dreaded M-word (marriage) out of your vocabulary all together. "Men don't want to constantly take the pulse of a relationship," says Daily. "They would rather just enjoy it."
8. She does not take any crap — from anyone. A good woman never accepts bad behavior. Guys respect women with whom they can't get away with anything. If he knows there's a penalty — like getting thrown to the curb — for a serious violation like cheating, he'll respect you more, and he will be far less likely to do it. You should also never even bother to date married men, those who already have girlfriends or anyone who verbally or physically threatens or abuses you. Period.
9. A good woman always chooses a good man. That means that you should look for someone who is honest and dependable. He has to treat you right. If he says he is going to be somewhere, he is there. Chivalry is not dead, by the way. "Good manners" are a deeper window into what kind of man he truly is," Daily says. You should also have compatible views on money (which is the number one thing couples fight about). Even though they say opposites attract, savers should think twice before shacking up with wild spenders.
10. She knows that love is the biggest part of the mating equation. Just how does a good woman know that she has found that crazy-for-you, toe-curling relationship? Daily says that some women have an "a-ha" moment, while love simply sneaks up on the rest. "I believe the feeling includes a unique sense of comfort and acceptance and the feeling that someone else's happiness is as important to you as your own," Daily says. "A certain amount of toe curling is key as well."
